The main idea of this is to take ‘Be Love’ and love itself around the globe.
We can start by taking a picture in a representative place of your city, and continue during any travel you do. Just shoot a pic and upload it. As easy and Fast as that :D
You can either take the pic with a sign that reads “Be Love” or (if applies) a tattoo, or the heart shaped hands sign. The main point is to Spreads this idea, in any creative way you like.
Let’s start it! :D
Do you join?
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
(Always) Looking for my ray of sunshine.
I've always been the gal with the wide smile and the boisterous laugh who never fails to infect people with my unfailing optimism and overall happy vibes.
Which is why it's so ironic that underneath that, I am actually a girl drowning in drama.
Things are not so great at home. Conservative parents who think they are liberal. Parents who've stayed together all these years (almost 40), but it's obvious that they would be loads happier if they separated. Financial problems. Attitude problems. Graduation. Lack of a job. Lack of opportunities for a job in this country. Parents breathing down your back, coming up with all these suggestions for you to follow that obviously did not work for them. Parents who claim to know better. Not being able to express yourself for fear of being misunderstood. Never-ending guilt trips. Lack of motivation. Lack on inspiration. You get the gist.
Imagine that you are doing everything you can right now, given the circumstances, to make your life better. Updating your portfolio/resume, pulling contacts, sending sample work to anyone who wants to see them... I stay in my room because I don't want to go out and spend money I don't have. Regardless of that, all the people in my home see is that my life is becoming sedentary and that the reason I am getting chest pains is because I am always on my computer being unproductive. What really gets me upset—and I don't know if they know how hurtful they sound—is the way they compare me to my brother at my age whom my dad kicked out. He was always at home, had no work...basically same as me right now. The only difference is I am working my ass off to get out of here and all he did back then was spend day and night playing computer games.
During Father's Day, after I greeted him and sat down at the breakfast table, while I was slowly breathing and clutching my chest (I've been getting chest pains lately), he proceeded to read all his text messages from people, greeting him Happy Father's Day. He read my older sister's message out loud and then he proceeded to say how proud he is of how his children are successful...soon after telling me that if I am not careful, I will sink into permanent bumhood. "Don't wait till you're thirty to get moving with your life."
At that point I wanted to just burst into tears and just...I don't know... unload...but I can't because it was his day. I can't walk out to stop hearing it to protect myself either because that would be rude. So I had to take it like a man and suck it up, chest pains and all.
There are days when I feel like my heart is about to explode, at the same time feeling unnecessary guilt that I shouldnt be feeling this way. I keep feeling that I don't have a right to express myself because like what my mom has told me (when I tried opening up to her), I always got what I wanted and needed from them...but it's not the material things that concern me. They don't realize how badly, badly discouraged I am. I tried telling my mom and she just told me motherhood statements, generic advice one gives out even if they know you already know it, all for the sake of having something to say. It doesn't really help relieve me from anything
I'm so tired and yes, stressed.
But you know, despite all that, despite all the heartache that I seem to carry on my shoulders, including the problems my loved ones go through (friends fighting, couples splitting up, etc...), I am amazed that at the end of it all, I still find a way to be hopeful about everything. That everything will work itself out and that everything will be all right. That even if my family is slowly becoming the people who understand me the least, I still have my friends and significant other to put things into a more proper and positive perspective. That as long as you know you are doing everything you can do to get yourself out of the hole you are currently trapped in, as long as you are confident that you can get out, good things will happen.
So yeah. Hopeful music helps. Hopeful movies help. Hopeful letters help. Hopeful thoughts help.
Yesterday I got two emails from two different companies offering me to take the next step, to see if I qualify. I don't have the jobs yet, but out of nowhere, these two representations of hope just came at the exact moment that I needed my ray of sunshine.
And now the smile everyone has grown so accustomed to is back on my face. I am armed with even more hope now, and it feels awesome.
<3
Which is why it's so ironic that underneath that, I am actually a girl drowning in drama.
Things are not so great at home. Conservative parents who think they are liberal. Parents who've stayed together all these years (almost 40), but it's obvious that they would be loads happier if they separated. Financial problems. Attitude problems. Graduation. Lack of a job. Lack of opportunities for a job in this country. Parents breathing down your back, coming up with all these suggestions for you to follow that obviously did not work for them. Parents who claim to know better. Not being able to express yourself for fear of being misunderstood. Never-ending guilt trips. Lack of motivation. Lack on inspiration. You get the gist.
During Father's Day, after I greeted him and sat down at the breakfast table, while I was slowly breathing and clutching my chest (I've been getting chest pains lately), he proceeded to read all his text messages from people, greeting him Happy Father's Day. He read my older sister's message out loud and then he proceeded to say how proud he is of how his children are successful...soon after telling me that if I am not careful, I will sink into permanent bumhood. "Don't wait till you're thirty to get moving with your life."
At that point I wanted to just burst into tears and just...I don't know... unload...but I can't because it was his day. I can't walk out to stop hearing it to protect myself either because that would be rude. So I had to take it like a man and suck it up, chest pains and all.
There are days when I feel like my heart is about to explode, at the same time feeling unnecessary guilt that I shouldnt be feeling this way. I keep feeling that I don't have a right to express myself because like what my mom has told me (when I tried opening up to her), I always got what I wanted and needed from them...but it's not the material things that concern me. They don't realize how badly, badly discouraged I am. I tried telling my mom and she just told me motherhood statements, generic advice one gives out even if they know you already know it, all for the sake of having something to say. It doesn't really help relieve me from anything
I'm so tired and yes, stressed.
But you know, despite all that, despite all the heartache that I seem to carry on my shoulders, including the problems my loved ones go through (friends fighting, couples splitting up, etc...), I am amazed that at the end of it all, I still find a way to be hopeful about everything. That everything will work itself out and that everything will be all right. That even if my family is slowly becoming the people who understand me the least, I still have my friends and significant other to put things into a more proper and positive perspective. That as long as you know you are doing everything you can do to get yourself out of the hole you are currently trapped in, as long as you are confident that you can get out, good things will happen.
So yeah. Hopeful music helps. Hopeful movies help. Hopeful letters help. Hopeful thoughts help.
Yesterday I got two emails from two different companies offering me to take the next step, to see if I qualify. I don't have the jobs yet, but out of nowhere, these two representations of hope just came at the exact moment that I needed my ray of sunshine.
And now the smile everyone has grown so accustomed to is back on my face. I am armed with even more hope now, and it feels awesome.
<3
The J-Team Experience
It has been said that we each are the "master of [our] fate" and the "captain of [our] soul" (Invictus, William Henley). All we need to do is to visualize in our mind what we want in life, create it, manifest it, and it will all happen for us.
Fun fact number 1: After I broke up with my last ex boyfriend, I vowed to my mother, "My next boyfriend will be a foreigner. I am done with Filipino men."
Fun fact number 2: I told one of my best-est friends Kia, "Inasmuch as I would love to marry Jason Mraz, there are many, many girls out there vying for that position. I'd be happy to snag me my own Jason."
And snag my own Jason I did.
This is me with Jason, on his 2-week vacation here in Manila. Yes, he literally flew 17,000 miles total to see me. According to him, that's close to traveling around the world to be with the love of his life (me...OMG it's me).
Like Brandie, I too have found love this year, and I am never letting go. I've been through a boatload of relationship blunders, and this is my reward. FINALLY.
Here are a few samples of the awesomeness that is the J-Team:
He's coming back in October, to stay longer.
So girls...BE LOVE. Keep at it and never stop hoping. Great things come to those who wait. Brandie and I are living proof. ♥
Fun fact number 1: After I broke up with my last ex boyfriend, I vowed to my mother, "My next boyfriend will be a foreigner. I am done with Filipino men."
Fun fact number 2: I told one of my best-est friends Kia, "Inasmuch as I would love to marry Jason Mraz, there are many, many girls out there vying for that position. I'd be happy to snag me my own Jason."
And snag my own Jason I did.
This is me with Jason, on his 2-week vacation here in Manila. Yes, he literally flew 17,000 miles total to see me. According to him, that's close to traveling around the world to be with the love of his life (me...OMG it's me).
Like Brandie, I too have found love this year, and I am never letting go. I've been through a boatload of relationship blunders, and this is my reward. FINALLY.
Here are a few samples of the awesomeness that is the J-Team:
10:02 PM me: :)
ok what moment that happened do you miss the most? i mean, the most that you think about
when you remember me
sigh
i kind of remember a lot
the first time you hugged me from behind in the car (when we came to pick you up)
i actually inched myself back
so i was nearer you
and then you just wrapped me
Jason: yeah... that felt really good
10:04 PM me: i remember feeling, "damn...this is IT"
Jason: yeah me too
it was weird how natural and right it felt from the start
me: :)
weird in a really awesome way
Jason: yep
10:05 PM i get chills a little thinking about it :-)
me: me too!
hee hee
when i hugged you from inside the car
and you were outside
it didn't feel real yet
but when i felt you grab me
in the car
Jason: yeah, i barely remember that
10:06 PM me: dude, i felt my insides go crazy
like i wanted to sink into you
and never come out
Jason: :-D
me: it was that warm and inviting to be in your arms
i felt loved and safe
Jason: yeah, you felt perfect in my arms like you fit right into there, like you always should have been there
10:07 PM me: and then you sniffed me and whispered, "mmmm coconuts"
gaaah
rewind rewind rewind in my mind
Jason: yep
don't worry it's not the last!
10:08 PM me: i dont remember
did we kiss in the car?
Jason: not sure, i know i kissed your cheek and your hair
me: i remember feeling afraid that you might think im too forward
and i wanted to wait for you to make a move or something
Jason: heh
me: haha yeah
Jason: it's a bit of a blur
me: i dunno
10:09 PM i felt the hair kiss
and a little bit of neck
haha
Jason: ;-)
+++
+++
11:29 PM me: babe
did you just Hey, Joe yourself? (in Facebook)
Jason: i hey joe'ed everyone
11:30 PM that's how i roll
me: i didn't get one :(
Jason: it was a broadcast message
it's my status
besides you'd be hey jill or something
11:32 PM me: :)
mrs. jill kano? :)
Jason: haha, cart, where is your horse?
11:33 PM me: drinking a bottle of beer somewhere. why?
Jason: nice. hope it's a rogue dead guy ale
me: haha
dude
i am sooo gonna marry you
i dont give a fuck about the cart or the horse anymore
i'm not letting you get away. i've waited for you for faaaaar too long. :)
Jason: haha... confidence
:-P
11:34 PM me: hope
guides
me
always
okay fine.
11:35 PM i won't marry you.
i'll break up with you
wait for a couple of years
only to end up seeing you again
and then you feel it
that spark
and then BOOM
it'll happen anyway
Jason: haha, orlyyou just know huh
me: when you know, you know.
okay sorry
when i know, i know.
do you?
11:36 PM Jason: i know that you are the best girl i have ever met
we communicate better than with anyone else i've been with
the sex is better than with anyone else i've been with
you are open to pretty much any possibility for our future
11:37 PM i don't plan to let you go either
:-D
me: i think my panties just ripped itself up in pure happiness :)
Jason: hahaha
level up?
11:38 PM me: and i plan to keep it up
or die trying
so you will want nothing else
or no one else, i mean
Jason: well you've done a good job so far
11:39 PM :-)
12:10 AM me: you just won a whole shitload of pogi points with the j-gal, mister. with my panties ripping itself up and all
go pack!
Jason: nice :-)
me: dont spend it all at once!
Jason: okay, i'll spend it over a long long period
me: haha ok
Jason: how's a lifetime sound?
12:11 AM :-P
me: power lines
and yeah
i'm in :D
He's coming back in October, to stay longer.
9:35 PM
Jason: i'll give the car to my parents while i'm gone
so it'll be here when we come back
9:36 PM
me: WE come back
Jason: yeah, WE
key word
i ain't coming back alone
me: you're hauling me in huh
haha
+++
+++
9:52 PM me: dude the mere fact that you are coming BACK...that's like...a dream for me
:-D
9:53 PM Jason: :-)
me: can't believe i deserve to be returned to by you
<3
Jason: you deserve it... i can't believe i deserve to have found you!
me: you deserve it. we deserve each other
9:54 PM sorry boys, this store has been BOUGHT OUT :)
Jason: haha :-)
So girls...BE LOVE. Keep at it and never stop hoping. Great things come to those who wait. Brandie and I are living proof. ♥
Jason and I are living proof.
Relationship 101 from the J-Man: What is a man and a woman
This isn't from the main J-Man this blog is dedicated to, but this particular post is huge thanks to Jason, my other half (isn't his name AWESOME? :P) who made me think of what I want in a relationship, what I want to become for him even If It Kills Me (see what I did there?).
Let me just share with you what we learned from each other just recently. This is going to be long, but very inspiring I hope. So sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. :)
+++
Hey Jam,
So I was listening to the Portishead song that you love, Glory Box, and I was getting more and more I think why you like it. I have gotten the sense from you that you want to play the role of the woman to a man, that you appreciate the differences between men and women, and embrace them. I think this is a big part of why we get along pretty well, because I tend to bristle at feminism taken too far. I agree totally with equal rights for women, but I disagree that we need to toss all gender roles out the window as a result.
On the other hand, I don't think that there are any set of gender roles that are set in stone for everyone. It is something that every couple should negotiate and determine on their own. How they will interact, what their responsibilities are... specifically the ones that differ between the man and the woman.
I think that at the heart of many unhappy relationships is a lack of agreement over what roles each party is playing, and what responsibilities they should be taking. So there are things that we both expect from each other, and there are things that we want to provide that are perhaps unique... I want to talk about what I want to bring to you as a man. So I'm just going to go through and say what I think a man is, off the top of my head. There will probably be some missing.
What is a Man?
- A man is a leader. Whether or not a leader of other men, more importantly, he leads his family to prosperity and happiness, as best as he can. He takes responsibility for failures, and brings the benefits of success to everyone. He soldiers on even when it gets tough, even if he has to sacrifice some personal wants.
- A man is strong. Physically and mentally. Strong enough to make his woman feel it when he embraces her, and let her know that he won't ever let bodily harm come to her, as long as he's still breathing. Strong enough to call out anyone who says a negative word about his family. Strong enough to resist the temptations of those that seek to break up the bonds of his life, through seduction, whether it be sexual, monetary, or otherwise.
- A man takes care of himself. He looks and smells good for his woman, so she never stops desiring him. He is always improving and growing, so as to face the world stronger each day. He has the guts to take time for himself, when it is needed.
- A man is straightforward. He explains or shows clearly what he wants and expects. He doesn't lie. He doesn't act passive-aggressively. He doesn't apologize for his needs.
This is just a start. What do you think about these? What more can you come up with? And then, once you've thought about that...
What is a Woman?
Love,
Your Man,
Jason
+++
Oh, hey love!
While I type this, I play songs from the J-Team playlist. It's very appropriate mood music, because these are the songs that speak to me most about the story between you and me, the most important story that I am watching unfold before my eyes...and I am liking what I see.
Since I was old enough to know that a relationship involved me "liking" a boy, I knew that I had a role to play. Of course back then, I had a purer, more childlike idea of what a relationship is—to be a good girlfriend, I should know a thing or two about NBA, knew how to play sports, knew how to stick up for myself and my friends, be cute, smart and be someone boys wanted to hang out with. I knew there were differences between boys and girls, and to me, early on, those differences were there for me to beat. Because to be well liked, I needed to be one of the boys. Gender roles held no real meaning for me because I grew up being told that you can be whatever you want to be, and all that jazz.
Of course things changed when I started growing up. I became more serious with my education, I frequently got sermons from my facilitator parents, I watched more movies, read more books, met more people. I'm not sure when I became a feminist (or at least a tame version of it), but it was only natural for me to take on that role in life because I wanted to be my own person, and in those times, women who were empowered were my example. So yeah, I wanted to be an astronaut, an architect, a doctor, a soldier, have jobs that I connected to the opposite gender. Back then, I believed that by being independent, I am making myself more desirable for the men because of the challenge.
It got a little bit blurry when I started meeting different guys. Some wanted girlfriends who were simple, who wore plain dresses, grew their hair long and wore no makeup. Some wanted girlfriends who had spunky short hair and the self confidence to talk to a large crowd. Some wanted girlfriends who would compliment them incessantly and who knew how to listen. Some wanted girlfriends who took charge of every situation and started every conversation. Some wanted conventional. Traditional. Different. Spontaneous. Crazy. Adventurous. Grounded. Dreamer. All this got me to three conclusions: 1. Men and women will always be different, 2. people want different things from different people, and 3. the easiest way to be happy in a relationship is to stop fulfilling many roles and just maintain one and hope to God that the person would love it: yourself.
In a question in OKCupid, if I remember correctly, I answered that gender roles are going through a refreshing redefinition. Sure they still exist and there are still a lot of by-the-book people who stand by it to avoid conflict, but my understanding of "refreshing redefinition" is precisely what you said: there are any set of gender roles that are set in stone for everyone, it is something that every couple should negotiate and determine on their own. Each relationship is custom-built.
The biggest influence I have on my views of what a relationship ought to be is that of my parents, and to be quite honest, it's something that I don't want for me and my future partner. Yes, they've managed to stick by each other 40 years and they put up with A LOT of crap to get there. If there is anything from their relationship that I would like to take with me, it is their ability to suck it up and take it whenever obstacles came, whatever they may be. What people see as settling for something less than what they want, I see as acceptance and the ability to adjust and agree to a compromise to be with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I know what I want, I know what I am capable of doing and I know my limits. All that considered, I still have the desire to modify all that if need be just to make a relationship work. Relationship IS work.
But not all work. It should also be fun and exciting and somehow always new. Like I told you, my dad tells me that friendship is the highest form of relationship and that any relationship founded on that is on the unbreakable side. I see my sister Rizzo and her husband Anton: although they have an unconventional marriage where my sister is the main breadwinner and Anton is the houseband, their humble beginnings can be traced back to the time when they were both team captains of a coed dragonboat rowing team...they were teammates, they were friends. Same for my brother Tjader and his wife Ria. They rode motorcycles together. They played video games together. They are still married and still in love.
I think by making friendship the root of everything, it makes it easier to like the person you are with...and even easier to love them after that. It makes treating each other with fairness, kindness, and honesty an automatic response.
Like I told you, I believe that expectations tend to ruin relationships, but they are inevitable and they will always be there, so the best thing to do is to learn how to manage them with your partner so you can both have a how-to guide in case things get more challenging. I have read your contribution to the How To Make The J-Team The Best Relationship It Can Become manual, and I would like to tell you how reading it made me feel before I get into my contribution.
I am pushing the horse and its cart out of my mind for this one, because I want you to know THE TRUTH FOR ME without worrying about scaring you, or getting ahead of myself, or making hasty generalizations. This isn't a hasty generalization...this is me knowing what kind of partner I want and this is me telling you that if this is the type of man that you plan to be for me, then you are the type of man I want to spend the rest of my life with, definitely. You are the type of man I want to be married to and grow old with. You are the type of father I want my future kids to have. Your definition of what a man is ought to be put in a book and be distributed to all men. If you are able to make this list and are able to give it justice...wow, I think I can claim to be the luckiest woman on Earth and have it be true.
Having said that, here are a few examples of what I think a woman is...the things I am 100% willing to become for you...
- A woman is a motivator. She is a source of encouragement for all the people in her life, and she leads by making her own life an example to follow, by practicing what she preaches. She is a source of inspiration for her partner. She finds joy in everything and knows how to laugh and have fun. She knows how to keep herself happy because by being happy on her own, she knows she can infect others with it. She provides all forms of care and support wherever and whenever they are needed. She takes every opportunity to let her man know how important he is to her, and what she is willing to do and become to make their relationship stronger.
- A woman is responsible for her own emotions and actions. She takes full responsibility for her mistakes and takes the necessary action to make it right. She makes it a point to see all sides to a certain situation, and she makes it a point to always find the bright side in all things. She accepts the hardships of reality and powers through them no matter how daunting things get. She is open-mined, ready for change, and knows the importance of compromise. She is patient and loving and kind and generous with herself. She is genuine. She is loyal. She is faithful. She is honest.
- A woman is driven by her desire to be a better version of herself every day. She is smart and is always willing to learn and listen, willing to teach. She is comfortable in her own skin. She is open for improvement in all aspects. She accepts her strengths and weaknesses and uses them all to her (and her partner's) advantage. She has the guts to be herself and take control of her own life. She does not apologize for her wants and needs. She will do what it takes to fight for her beliefs, her principles, her decisions, and her relationships. She is independent, but she also knows what it means to be part of a unit, a team. She makes it a point to listen to her man so that she can be a better partner for him, keep herself desirable for him and only him.
What makes a good partner?
A woman who doesn't nag, who is not overly jealous, who is sensitive to her man's needs. A woman who has the capacity to nurture and take care of herself, her man, her family, and everything else. A woman who takes pleasure in the simplest things, even the smallest gestures. A woman who pays attention.
Yeah okay, ending for now, but knowing me, this will get longer as days go by. Do let me know how these make you feel and what you think about them. If you have anything to add, let me know and I'll work on it. :-D
Love always,
Your Woman,
Jam
+++
Thoughts? The comments part of the program is now open. ♥
Let me just share with you what we learned from each other just recently. This is going to be long, but very inspiring I hope. So sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. :)
+++
Hey Jam,
So I was listening to the Portishead song that you love, Glory Box, and I was getting more and more I think why you like it. I have gotten the sense from you that you want to play the role of the woman to a man, that you appreciate the differences between men and women, and embrace them. I think this is a big part of why we get along pretty well, because I tend to bristle at feminism taken too far. I agree totally with equal rights for women, but I disagree that we need to toss all gender roles out the window as a result.
On the other hand, I don't think that there are any set of gender roles that are set in stone for everyone. It is something that every couple should negotiate and determine on their own. How they will interact, what their responsibilities are... specifically the ones that differ between the man and the woman.
I think that at the heart of many unhappy relationships is a lack of agreement over what roles each party is playing, and what responsibilities they should be taking. So there are things that we both expect from each other, and there are things that we want to provide that are perhaps unique... I want to talk about what I want to bring to you as a man. So I'm just going to go through and say what I think a man is, off the top of my head. There will probably be some missing.
What is a Man?
- A man is a leader. Whether or not a leader of other men, more importantly, he leads his family to prosperity and happiness, as best as he can. He takes responsibility for failures, and brings the benefits of success to everyone. He soldiers on even when it gets tough, even if he has to sacrifice some personal wants.
- A man is strong. Physically and mentally. Strong enough to make his woman feel it when he embraces her, and let her know that he won't ever let bodily harm come to her, as long as he's still breathing. Strong enough to call out anyone who says a negative word about his family. Strong enough to resist the temptations of those that seek to break up the bonds of his life, through seduction, whether it be sexual, monetary, or otherwise.
- A man takes care of himself. He looks and smells good for his woman, so she never stops desiring him. He is always improving and growing, so as to face the world stronger each day. He has the guts to take time for himself, when it is needed.
- A man is straightforward. He explains or shows clearly what he wants and expects. He doesn't lie. He doesn't act passive-aggressively. He doesn't apologize for his needs.
This is just a start. What do you think about these? What more can you come up with? And then, once you've thought about that...
What is a Woman?
Love,
Your Man,
Jason
+++
Oh, hey love!
While I type this, I play songs from the J-Team playlist. It's very appropriate mood music, because these are the songs that speak to me most about the story between you and me, the most important story that I am watching unfold before my eyes...and I am liking what I see.
Since I was old enough to know that a relationship involved me "liking" a boy, I knew that I had a role to play. Of course back then, I had a purer, more childlike idea of what a relationship is—to be a good girlfriend, I should know a thing or two about NBA, knew how to play sports, knew how to stick up for myself and my friends, be cute, smart and be someone boys wanted to hang out with. I knew there were differences between boys and girls, and to me, early on, those differences were there for me to beat. Because to be well liked, I needed to be one of the boys. Gender roles held no real meaning for me because I grew up being told that you can be whatever you want to be, and all that jazz.
Of course things changed when I started growing up. I became more serious with my education, I frequently got sermons from my facilitator parents, I watched more movies, read more books, met more people. I'm not sure when I became a feminist (or at least a tame version of it), but it was only natural for me to take on that role in life because I wanted to be my own person, and in those times, women who were empowered were my example. So yeah, I wanted to be an astronaut, an architect, a doctor, a soldier, have jobs that I connected to the opposite gender. Back then, I believed that by being independent, I am making myself more desirable for the men because of the challenge.
It got a little bit blurry when I started meeting different guys. Some wanted girlfriends who were simple, who wore plain dresses, grew their hair long and wore no makeup. Some wanted girlfriends who had spunky short hair and the self confidence to talk to a large crowd. Some wanted girlfriends who would compliment them incessantly and who knew how to listen. Some wanted girlfriends who took charge of every situation and started every conversation. Some wanted conventional. Traditional. Different. Spontaneous. Crazy. Adventurous. Grounded. Dreamer. All this got me to three conclusions: 1. Men and women will always be different, 2. people want different things from different people, and 3. the easiest way to be happy in a relationship is to stop fulfilling many roles and just maintain one and hope to God that the person would love it: yourself.
In a question in OKCupid, if I remember correctly, I answered that gender roles are going through a refreshing redefinition. Sure they still exist and there are still a lot of by-the-book people who stand by it to avoid conflict, but my understanding of "refreshing redefinition" is precisely what you said: there are any set of gender roles that are set in stone for everyone, it is something that every couple should negotiate and determine on their own. Each relationship is custom-built.
The biggest influence I have on my views of what a relationship ought to be is that of my parents, and to be quite honest, it's something that I don't want for me and my future partner. Yes, they've managed to stick by each other 40 years and they put up with A LOT of crap to get there. If there is anything from their relationship that I would like to take with me, it is their ability to suck it up and take it whenever obstacles came, whatever they may be. What people see as settling for something less than what they want, I see as acceptance and the ability to adjust and agree to a compromise to be with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I know what I want, I know what I am capable of doing and I know my limits. All that considered, I still have the desire to modify all that if need be just to make a relationship work. Relationship IS work.
But not all work. It should also be fun and exciting and somehow always new. Like I told you, my dad tells me that friendship is the highest form of relationship and that any relationship founded on that is on the unbreakable side. I see my sister Rizzo and her husband Anton: although they have an unconventional marriage where my sister is the main breadwinner and Anton is the houseband, their humble beginnings can be traced back to the time when they were both team captains of a coed dragonboat rowing team...they were teammates, they were friends. Same for my brother Tjader and his wife Ria. They rode motorcycles together. They played video games together. They are still married and still in love.
I think by making friendship the root of everything, it makes it easier to like the person you are with...and even easier to love them after that. It makes treating each other with fairness, kindness, and honesty an automatic response.
Like I told you, I believe that expectations tend to ruin relationships, but they are inevitable and they will always be there, so the best thing to do is to learn how to manage them with your partner so you can both have a how-to guide in case things get more challenging. I have read your contribution to the How To Make The J-Team The Best Relationship It Can Become manual, and I would like to tell you how reading it made me feel before I get into my contribution.
I am pushing the horse and its cart out of my mind for this one, because I want you to know THE TRUTH FOR ME without worrying about scaring you, or getting ahead of myself, or making hasty generalizations. This isn't a hasty generalization...this is me knowing what kind of partner I want and this is me telling you that if this is the type of man that you plan to be for me, then you are the type of man I want to spend the rest of my life with, definitely. You are the type of man I want to be married to and grow old with. You are the type of father I want my future kids to have. Your definition of what a man is ought to be put in a book and be distributed to all men. If you are able to make this list and are able to give it justice...wow, I think I can claim to be the luckiest woman on Earth and have it be true.
Having said that, here are a few examples of what I think a woman is...the things I am 100% willing to become for you...
- A woman is a motivator. She is a source of encouragement for all the people in her life, and she leads by making her own life an example to follow, by practicing what she preaches. She is a source of inspiration for her partner. She finds joy in everything and knows how to laugh and have fun. She knows how to keep herself happy because by being happy on her own, she knows she can infect others with it. She provides all forms of care and support wherever and whenever they are needed. She takes every opportunity to let her man know how important he is to her, and what she is willing to do and become to make their relationship stronger.
- A woman is responsible for her own emotions and actions. She takes full responsibility for her mistakes and takes the necessary action to make it right. She makes it a point to see all sides to a certain situation, and she makes it a point to always find the bright side in all things. She accepts the hardships of reality and powers through them no matter how daunting things get. She is open-mined, ready for change, and knows the importance of compromise. She is patient and loving and kind and generous with herself. She is genuine. She is loyal. She is faithful. She is honest.
- A woman is driven by her desire to be a better version of herself every day. She is smart and is always willing to learn and listen, willing to teach. She is comfortable in her own skin. She is open for improvement in all aspects. She accepts her strengths and weaknesses and uses them all to her (and her partner's) advantage. She has the guts to be herself and take control of her own life. She does not apologize for her wants and needs. She will do what it takes to fight for her beliefs, her principles, her decisions, and her relationships. She is independent, but she also knows what it means to be part of a unit, a team. She makes it a point to listen to her man so that she can be a better partner for him, keep herself desirable for him and only him.
What makes a good partner?
A woman who doesn't nag, who is not overly jealous, who is sensitive to her man's needs. A woman who has the capacity to nurture and take care of herself, her man, her family, and everything else. A woman who takes pleasure in the simplest things, even the smallest gestures. A woman who pays attention.
Yeah okay, ending for now, but knowing me, this will get longer as days go by. Do let me know how these make you feel and what you think about them. If you have anything to add, let me know and I'll work on it. :-D
Love always,
Your Woman,
Jam
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Thoughts? The comments part of the program is now open. ♥
He gets here in 20 days. I cannot wait!
Ideas Worth Spreading
I'm sure many of you guys already know and probably have seen this.. Still I just came across with it and can't stop watching. (I read about it in Jason's blog, but never seen the videos until now.)
TED is an organization that brings together people in a conference to talk in order to spread ideas.
Every week they have someone new with an idea worth spreading, people from different fields like technology, entertainment, design and knowledge.
I invite you to watch them, -you can just look for the subject you're interesed in- cause they are incredibly mind blowing. Go to http://www.ted.com or http://www.youtube.com/user/TEDtalksDirector (better quality of vids) and dive into it.
I'd like to share this special one. Probably because I strongly believe in the cause and a little bit because I felt indentified with it. As a child I had a hard time focusing with my studies. Strangely enough that was not the case with arts and sports. My 3rd grade math teacher called my parents and made me feel inferior and stupid. Thankfully my music teacher (Miss Andrea, still remember her) grab my parents and told them there was nothing wrong with me, I was just interested in different aspects of life. What I needed was motivation to come from another side. So they encouraged me to enjoy what I loved the most and came to me easily, and told me always to be proud of my accomplishments and feel happy with who I am. The problem is not every kid is that lucky.
I think is TRULLY important to create an education system that nurtures rather than undermines creativity. And that's exactly what Ken Robinson speaks about. Please take a moment to listen to this. I promise is worth it.
I think is TRULLY important to create an education system that nurtures rather than undermines creativity. And that's exactly what Ken Robinson speaks about. Please take a moment to listen to this. I promise is worth it.
P.S. Don't miss Elizabeth Gilbert's talk. Is so... Just watch it, trust me.
Let's make Life Lists!
We all have goals in life. One of my favorite ones is, "Carpe Diem! Seize the day and make life extraordinary." This is a quote from the movie, Dead Poets Society, again, one of my favorites. You should definitely watch it if you haven't yet.
Having said that, what better way to make sure you live life extraordinarily well than make a list of goals for you to follow? I've been a member of 43 things since 2005 but I only recently discovered (remembered) that I never got around to updating it till my brother updated his through Facebook.
This site is awesome because not only do you get to set goals for yourself, but you also get to see other people's goals...you see people who pretty much feel the same as you and pretty much want the same things you do, too!
I don't know about you, but I am liking the concept. My take is the reason it's 43 (at first) is because it's high enough a number for you to keep doing something productive, but low enough to be attainable. After you are done with one, you can just keep adding new stuff and keep it at that number!
So yes, like Mraz inspiring us all to join gratitudelog (if you haven't yet, it's another thing worth doing; it's pretty easy to link it up to Twitter) I am yet again starting a new fad amongst you like-minded women by inviting you to join me on 43things. It would be awesome to see at the end of 12 months how much we have accomplished (if we take this seriously; definitely on my list of goals: TO TAKE 43THINGS SERIOUSLY) on our own and armed with our own resolve...and together, united by our determination, you know?
So yeah. Let's make Life Lists! Comment with your link here if you have decided to embark on this new journey. with me.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE? ♥
