Who Am I?

Ok ladies, I just need to talk this out. You know when there comes a time in your life when there are signs and suggestions all over the place for doing or changing something in your life that you had just been ignoring but then all of a sudden the signs start becoming really loud? This last week has been really weird for me like that.

First of all, there has been all of this talk about moving to San Diego. Some of it is half joking, but it has really got me thinking! I've ALWAYS wanted to live near an ocean in a warm climate. I've staying in the Midwest because of family. I've actually been looking up information and from a job/ housing perspective is totally doable. Then I've had this strong urge to learn to play to guitar (who knows I've never played a musical instrument in my life). And then the whole coversation with my husband about loving summer weather and needing to move to a place that only had summer (like San Diego). Well two more things happened.

Last night, I was watching SYTYCD and was talking with my husband about different dancing and how I can appriciate and like the abstract contempory stuff and he just doesn't get it. Then we got to talking about how for an 'engineer' I am a very artsy minded person. And I said, yeah you know the more artsy things I do, like painting, dancing, going to more shows, the more 'artsy' I feel. Then he said something that kind of stuck with me: 'Well, maybe that's just your true self finally coming out".  This is something I have been struggling with for a LONG time. Even back in highschool. I loved art, and photography (especially photography) but I 'knew' that I couldn't really make a living in any of those. So I chose the electrical engineering path for school.  I figured I liked math too, so I could do it. My husband and I continued to talk and he said that he's glad that I am also logical minded because otherwise we wouldn't probably be together. But now I'm starting to wonder, am I really doing what I was MEANT to do?

Then this morning I see a Jason Mraz Friends post on FB. It said:

Transformation is my favorite game and in my experience, anger and frustration are the result of you not being authentic somewhere in your life or with someone in your life. Being fake about anything creates a block inside of you. Life can’t work for you if you don’t show up as you.
Jason Mraz

So, now I'm in the middle of a little mid life freak out! Everything in my heart says " Move to San Diego with the family, go to art school and get a job as a photographer or graphic designer or something and learn to surf and play guitar and all of that" Then my logical self says, "no, you and your husband have great jobs, a beautiful home, friends and family near by, kids love their school and neighborhood, and all of these other reasons why I stayed in Indiana in the first place"

I know I have to talk to my husband about this. I know the 'easy' answer is to just do nothing. Continue what I've been doing. But then I have the 'what if' moments.

Thanks for letting me get this all out. If feels so much better talking about it. Not, that I know what I'm going to do, but now I'm thinking about it.

Jam & Mraz Say Hey To The MrazWomen

As self-proclaimed delegate of the group I started, MrazWomen, I requested Jason Mraz to say hey on camera to the rest of my girls who couldn't make it to the show, and he gladly said yes!

Pardon my loud woohoo. Obviously I was too excited to keep calm. :P