Who Am I?

Ok ladies, I just need to talk this out. You know when there comes a time in your life when there are signs and suggestions all over the place for doing or changing something in your life that you had just been ignoring but then all of a sudden the signs start becoming really loud? This last week has been really weird for me like that.

First of all, there has been all of this talk about moving to San Diego. Some of it is half joking, but it has really got me thinking! I've ALWAYS wanted to live near an ocean in a warm climate. I've staying in the Midwest because of family. I've actually been looking up information and from a job/ housing perspective is totally doable. Then I've had this strong urge to learn to play to guitar (who knows I've never played a musical instrument in my life). And then the whole coversation with my husband about loving summer weather and needing to move to a place that only had summer (like San Diego). Well two more things happened.

Last night, I was watching SYTYCD and was talking with my husband about different dancing and how I can appriciate and like the abstract contempory stuff and he just doesn't get it. Then we got to talking about how for an 'engineer' I am a very artsy minded person. And I said, yeah you know the more artsy things I do, like painting, dancing, going to more shows, the more 'artsy' I feel. Then he said something that kind of stuck with me: 'Well, maybe that's just your true self finally coming out".  This is something I have been struggling with for a LONG time. Even back in highschool. I loved art, and photography (especially photography) but I 'knew' that I couldn't really make a living in any of those. So I chose the electrical engineering path for school.  I figured I liked math too, so I could do it. My husband and I continued to talk and he said that he's glad that I am also logical minded because otherwise we wouldn't probably be together. But now I'm starting to wonder, am I really doing what I was MEANT to do?

Then this morning I see a Jason Mraz Friends post on FB. It said:

Transformation is my favorite game and in my experience, anger and frustration are the result of you not being authentic somewhere in your life or with someone in your life. Being fake about anything creates a block inside of you. Life can’t work for you if you don’t show up as you.
Jason Mraz

So, now I'm in the middle of a little mid life freak out! Everything in my heart says " Move to San Diego with the family, go to art school and get a job as a photographer or graphic designer or something and learn to surf and play guitar and all of that" Then my logical self says, "no, you and your husband have great jobs, a beautiful home, friends and family near by, kids love their school and neighborhood, and all of these other reasons why I stayed in Indiana in the first place"

I know I have to talk to my husband about this. I know the 'easy' answer is to just do nothing. Continue what I've been doing. But then I have the 'what if' moments.

Thanks for letting me get this all out. If feels so much better talking about it. Not, that I know what I'm going to do, but now I'm thinking about it.

The First Time I met Jason Mraz (cuz you know there will be more!)

We were supposed to mulch with him that morning but because of the rain and the cold air he cancelled. Luckily the radio station set up this sound check party.

We arrive to the venue and Jason is on stage doing sound check. We sit in the front row and he starts playing and talking. Looks at us and says sorry about the tree planting. He's like 'it cleared up about an hour later' a guy says 'that's Indiana for ya'. He said ‘oh really?’ And I said 'yeah just wait and it will change' and Jason says ' Oh I didn't get that memo' :-) lol So there were several times like that where we talked back and forth during the sound check. He played Be Honest, All Dialed In and Bella Luna! I'm really glad he played All Dialed In because he didn't play it at the show. So then he walks off stage.

The radio station informed us we were going in groups of 6 and that we couldn't use our own cameras. Claudia and I hung towards the back and were the last two in our group of 6. We were the 3rd group. Up until that point Jason had been shaking hands with everyone so I get up there and shane his hand (and in my head I’m thinking no way is he getting away with just a hug!) He says "Hi, I'm Jason" (duh) I said "Hi, I'm Jen, is it ok if I give you a hug?" He said "Of Course! So I hugged him and then looked him squarely in the eyes (swooon!) and very calmly and quietly handed him my 3 page letter and said 'I need you to take this. I don't want you to sign it, I just want you to have it' and he said, "sure no problem." And then he said "Rad! I love what you did with your shirt! (my blend shirt, I cut the collar off and tied it in the back) I said Thanks! I was trying to make it a little more girly" He laughed and said "maybe I should do that with mine" LOL

So then he saw Claudia and she gave him a hug and then he saw her shirt and said "OH! MrazWomen! Awesome!" I said yeah we're together, I mean in the same group. He looked at me and said ‘Have we met before?’ I said ‘no, but I'll I have meet n greet in San Jose’ He said "oh sweet, awesome" So then Claudia stands to his right and I was thinking " I am soooo standing next to him!” Luckily, Merritt (his violinist) was to his left and she said "Do you want to stand here?" I said "Oh! thanks!"



Then (I remember this very vividly!) I put my arm around the small of his back and he did the same to me, I put my head on his should and moved in close for our picture!!!!!!!!! After the picture I looked at him and said "Oh thanks for playing All Dialed In! It was awesome!" He said, "Yeah I don't know if it will make the set list, but...." I said "no it was great we still got to hear it!" I looked at Merritt, and said" Yeah it was awesome! Thank you!" Then we said bye and that was it..... Of course we ran into Michael Bram (his drummer) right after that and I got our pic with him too! Amazing Amazing experience.......then came the end of the show.....



So I had been wondering all night if he read my letter then at the end of the show, he was waving Hi to everyone and I'm waving my arms like I'm trying to flag down a rescue truck or something and he sees me! He points right at me and stops moving, tilts his head to the side and gives me a warm (aww so sweet) smile, blows a kiss and puts his hand on his heart....... I'm really hoping that means he read it but I'm totally asking him in San Jose!!!!! LOVE!!!!



I was really amazed I was so calm and talking clearly and not going ' OMG I LOVE YOU!' LOL It really was like talking to an old friend! I can’t wait to do it again in San Jose!!

And here was my letter:

Jason,

First, I wanted to tell you that I am so grateful to finally meet you! I have been waiting to meet you for years! I actually bought meet and greet passes for the San Jose show (so I’ll see you again in a couple of weeks!), but being able to spend a little bit of time with you doing something we are both passionate about really makes me happy.  I knew that I wouldn’t have a lot of time to talk to you and I have so much I want to say. So I thought I would just write it all down and let you read it when you have time. So, thank you for taking the time to read this and… here it goes…

I could sit here and say ‘Oh I’m your biggest fan, or you are so awesome’, and it would be true but the one thing I really want to say, out of everything else I could say, is THANK YOU! You and your music have always been a source of inspiration and healing for me. I always find myself turning to your music when I’m sad, confused or hurt and I always have a sense of clarity after I do. This was especially true 2.5 years ago when my Mom suddenly passed away from a massive stroke. She was only 56 years old. My Mom and I were very close. She always supported me, was there for me, and was the best grandma to my kids a Mom could ever ask for. After she passed, I was lost, hurt and angry. I just felt so cheated, like I just didn’t have enough time with her. I didn’t know how I was going to move on. One day, while driving home from work, I was so tired of listening to the daily shit on the radio that I just grabbed a CD from my case, without really looking and threw it in the player. ‘Sunshine Song’ started playing. I burst into tears! I cried and cried, but not because I was sad, because I was relieved. In that moment I knew that her light would always be there to shine on me when I needed it. I felt like a veil had been lifted from my heart and there was a light I hadn’t felt in a long time. A couple days later, I was looking through some old FF5000 blogs and found a blog that completely changed my outlook on life. You wrote about being grateful for the little things and that we truly have the power to make up how we see the world. We can make up that something sucks or make up that this it’s awesome. We have the power to shape our life. It is all perfect, even the heavy shit that happens to us, it was and is all perfect.  I saw the world in a whole new light after that. The things that used to annoy me, I found gratitude in and shortly after that I bought my first piece of Energy Muse jewelry, my Gratitude bracelet. It is there to remind me on a daily basis of all the things I am grateful for. I love it. So thank you for being there to shine a light when I needed it most.

Now, I’m not an only child. My sister was also very affected by the loss of our Mom. Because my Dad left when we were very young, my sister, my Mom and I had always been very close. To add to the pain of losing our Mom, about 8 months after she passed, my sister’s husband left her. My sister, Shannon, was a mess! She slipped into a deep depression and couldn’t stand staying in Indianapolis, in her house, any longer. So she decided she needed a new start in a place where she had fond memories of my Mom, in Boston. I was devastated. My sister and I are best friends and we’ve never lived more than an hour apart. I was really scared for her and for myself, so I decided that I would make her a gift. Through your music and Tricia’s affirmations I was able to come to terms with my Mom’s passing and knew that they could also help Shannon. I gave her what I called the ‘Hope, Love, and Gratitude Journey’ gift. I put about 40 of your songs (old, new, unreleased) on an mp3 player, made up about 30 note cards with affirmations and included a blank journal tablet. My instructions to her were to wonder this new city, take in the sites, visit places of inspiration and write down her hopes and dreams. Then she had to post them on her mirror to see every day. She had to do all this while listening to YOUR music. The next instruction was to sit in a place of solitude while listening to some of your deeper songs (When we die, Song for a Friend etc) and write down all the things that made her angry, sad, or hurt. She then had to burn those pages! Rid herself of that pain. The final instruction was to listen to some of your most inspirational songs and write down everything she is grateful for and tape it up on her wall so that she never forgets.  She now tells me repeatedly that this gift, your music, and Tricia’s words are what saved her. She had a renewed sense of hope; that she wasn’t ready to give up! She now has a great place on the water, a job she loves, and new man in her life. I cannot thank you enough for the inspiration to give her that gift. She, herself, has even passed on that gift to friends in need.

If fact, last week in Mansfield, MA my sister and I went to your show on the anniversary of her move.  We were the ones with the ‘Jason, Thank You for being our Ray of Sunshine’ sign. Of course, we cried during that song. In fact, so many of your songs trigger so many different memories and emotions when I hear them. They always seem to show up just when I need them. Like, ‘1000 Things’ for example. I’m sure that wasn’t written for a child. But whenever I hear it I am immediately taken back to when my beautiful children were born. Seeing their beautiful eyes for the first time was like nothing I had ever seen before! Or, one of the most profound times was on February 15, 2011, the 1 year anniversary of my Mom’s passing. I obviously was very sad that day and kind of lost and turned to YouTube for some distraction and I hear ‘When We Die’ for the first time. It was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. And of course, hearing ‘Geek in the Pink’ always takes me back to the first time I ever heard your music. That song is what got me ‘hooked’  ;-) It’s such a fun song. I continually share your music with others, and they are always so pleasantly surprised and become huge fans themselves. I love seeing how you and your music have not only impacted me, but others as well. I want you to know that you mean so much to so many people and that at least for my sister and I, we are eternally grateful for you, your words, and your music.

In LoVE and Gratitude Always,

Best Mraz Pilgrimage EVER!!!

Well it looks as though my San Diego trip deserves a story....so here we go!

July 18th I recieved a notice that Jason Mraz tickets were going on sale for a Special Acoustic Evening with just him and Toca in San Diego! I thought, OMG San Diego! Where it all started 10 years ago. This has gotta be the concert of all concerts to go to! So after confirming with my AWESOME hubby I planned my stalking of presale tickets. 10:00am on the dot and I score 4TH ROW!!!! I only bought one ticket, just me going by myself and I didn't care! Come to find out Jam and Dawn, our very own MrazWomen were going too! I'd be sitting by myself but I'd have my girls to hang out with!

So then I waited....a very long 4 months! The week before the show my Twitter and FB started blowing up! I was on a mission to finally meet and talk to Jason! I mean, what better place to do that than in his hometown, in a very small intimate venue with easy access right? So all these messages were coming in saying "Say Hi to Jason for me! Can't wait to hear about your trip, etc etc"

So Monday was finally here! 8:30am flight and I had no trouble waking up at 5:15 to get ready to go! I was so excited. I was traveling solo but all my online buddies kept me company with their funny messages and I had fun sharing random pics of my travels. I arrive in San Diego to the beautiful 80 degrees and sunny weather!! I was finally here! Caught the bus to my hotel which just so happened to be attached to Spreckels (the venue) so I was super excited! The bus dropped me off and the first thing I see is the Spreckels marquee that says "Jason Mraz - You Are Loved" SQUUUEEEEE!!! Of course I took a picture and headed to my hotel to get cleaned up. It was only 1:00pm and I had 6 hours of stalking to do! On my way to the hotel I passed the OPEN stage door with all of the stage guys working! AAAAHHH Must hurry and get ready so I can get back out there!

So after checking in and cleaning up I headed out on my mission. Luckily I found a great little cafe attached to Spreckels with an outdoor seating area so I could watch the lighting guys work and talk with the security guard. I'm coming to find out the head security guard is a VERY GOOD person to know! ;-) I had asked when sound check was and if I would be able to go in and listen. No luck. The security guard then said, "Well, just try to get on camera" I say, "camera? What do you mean?" Then he tells me that the show is being recorded for a DVD!!!!! SCORE!!! This secret apparently had been keep for awhile so I was super pumped to be finding this out!
So after I hung out ther for about an hour, I decided to walk around the block to see if anything was going on at the other stage door. Nothing. However on my way back around to the 'happening' stage door I see Toca! I'm saying to myself... OMG that's Toca! Holy Crap that's Toca as I walk towards him and he walks towards me. So I stop him and say "You're Toca right?" Toca:Yes, Hi! Me: Hi,(I shake his hand) I'm Jen. I'm going to the show tonight, it's so great to meet you Toca: Awesome, are you from San Diego? Me: No, I came from Indiana just to see you guys! Toca: Oh WOW Thank you so much! We are so grateful! I gotta head to sound check now, but it was great meeting you. Me: You too!!

So off I go to the front of Spreckels completely bummed that I didn't get my camera out. So then I turn around and head back to the stage door and see Toca still standing there! Then I also see my girls Dawn and Jam!!
Yay! So I walk up to all three of them an say Hi to Dawn and Jam then we talk to Toca and get all of our pictures taken with him. He really is the nicest most laid back person I've ever met!! Then we keep talking with Toca (apparently he wasn't all that late) and Toca says "Well, if you guys are wanting to meet Jason, this is the place to be. He's gotta come in this door" We say, "Oh really?! Awesome" Then Toca says......wait for it......this is the BEST PART OF THE WHOLE STORY.....



"Speaking of...." We all turn around and guess who is walking up RIGHT BEHIND ME!!! I turn around and say "Hey Jason!" and start to walk towards him to give him a hug. Honestly I was quite surprised I was able to talk or move at all! Then Jason says " Hey guys, how's it goin" Then him and Toca and Tricia walk in for sound check. We were all so stunned, nothing else came out of our mouths. I could have said "Hey Jason, how about a Hi 5 or can we get a quick picture" Something! Anything! Ugh!!! Depspite the lack of picture or hug, I did get to talk to Jason so I say mission accomplished!

Hell by this point it was only 3:30 and I had seen both Toca and Jason and had another 4 hours to visit! So after I stopped shaking (lol) us girls preceeded to talk with the security guard and do some wondering. As we walk back to the front I see Michael and Nancy Natter. Most of you may not know who that is, so I'll just say they are close friends with Jason and Michael has even written songs with Jason. So I walk up to say Hi and strangly had to introduce myself with my twitter name but she knew who I was so that was cool! They were the sweetest people ever! Michael told us some amazing stories about how some of our favorite Mraz songs came to be. It was really great meeting them.

So we decided to go inside and see what's going on in the lobby. Bought an awesome tour shirt and had the DVD crew come in and film us! But then the one GINORMOUS mistake I made was seeing the Meet and greet group of people leave the lobby and NOT FOLLOWING THEM! I thought about it for a split second but come to find out they go in the same stage door I had been talking to security all day. If I would have just followed them there was a REALLY good possibility he would have let me in to the meet n greet. Oh well, I got my 'Hi' and I'm gonna be happy about it!

So then I see Philly (RKOP) and had to go up and say Hi. Again I had to introduce myself by my twitter name, but again she knew who I was. She is seriously the nicest person! She treats everyone as though she has known them forever! You immediately feel like her friend. Loved it! Dawn, Jam and I got our picture with her too.

At this point the opened the doors so I was ready for the show! Go into Spreckels and let me tell you that venue is absolutely amazing!! Only about 1400 seats and really beautiful! Little did I know this was going to be unlike any other concert I had ever been to. We all sat down and out walks Jason and Toca and they just start talking. Kinda like "hey guys welcome to my house, have a seat, I'm gonna play a few songs for ya" It literally felt like our own personal living room concert! We sat the whole time (other than a standing ovation for 'Mr. Curiosity') Amazing amazing amazing! I would pick this quite acoustic show over one of his huge band shows any day!

There was an intermission where we had time to talk to friends and I swear it was a freaking Jason Mraz friends reunion in there! All of his close friends were there! I got to meet a lot of them, and never did I feel uncomfortable so it was really wild! The 2nd half was also amazing! Overall a great show. He talked so much more than any other concert I've been to. And let me tell you, that dude is funny! I cannot WAIT to see the DVD! Maybe I'll be on there even.

After the show, I headed to my favorite stage door (lessoned learned, don't go to the door with the security guard and Toca, Jason will leave out of the OTHER door) DUH! But anyway, I snagged a setlist and got Toca to sign that. I went up to Toca and said "Hey Toca" Toca: Hey Jen! (He remebered me!) Me: I've already had a picture, but can I have a hug and would you sign my setlist? Toca: Sure no problem! So got my signed souvinier for this trip! After a LONG while of standing around I headed back to the hotel and saw Toca AGAIN and joked "Nice hotel Toca" and he says "Thanks Jen!" I said "Goodnight" :-)

Overall, I'd have to say, if Jason is playing in San Diego again and I have the cash I would go again! BEST PLACE EVER to watch him! Over course it would be really nice to see him in MY hometown too! lol Thanks for reading and I'll have pictures up soon. :-)

Up, Flyin' Away!

Today I finished writing 6 full pages. Pages filled with thoughts, emotions and details of this past year. It had the good, the bad, the ugly, the silly, the sad, the happy…. all of it! Last year, I went through about every emotion a person could go through, so I guess it took 6 full pages to get it all out. After I finished it, you know what I did? I pressed DELETE! Yep, on purpose!

The past is the past for a reason. It’s only purpose is to hold space for memories and lessons. It is not there to be dwelled on, or filled with regret, or used as a comparison for today. When you start comparing how you live your life today to the past you put a limit on yourself. You are limiting your possibilities. When you live in the present, live in the now, and experience life from that vantage point, you’re “taking the ceiling off”. The possibilities are limitless!

I was inspired this year by Jason’s “Happy Now Year” blog. I’m focusing on spontaneity and living without fear this year. If there is one thing I learned last year, it was that life is too short for regrets and fear! So I challenge all of my Mrazzy friends to remember this is what your life looks like! Love it and live it!

Grateful for MrazWomen

Hello my fellow Mrazzy ladies and MrazWomen! I'm new here so I thought I'd take some time to say hello and introduce myself! I reside in beautiful Indiana, USA where it's possible to have snow and a thunderstorm in the same day! :-)

I was first introduced to Jason Mraz when Geek in the Pink came out! Loved it! I was into hip hop music at the time so this was awesome. Mr. A-Z was my first Mraz album. Being into hip hop at first I didn't like much of the album. After awhile the CD found it's way to the back of my CD case. Then November 2009 I heard of this new Live album "Beautiful Mess - Live On Earth". It sounded awesome so I really wanted to get it. Nevermind that I totally missed WSWDWST!! I kept putting it off of my "to buy" list for awhile and then in Feburary something happened....(I promise this is going somewhere) :-)

My Mom at the age of 56 suffered a severe hemoratic stroke. After 11 days in ICU we moved to hospice to make her comfortable for her final days. It was the most difficult 2 weeks of my life. After my mom's passing, I felt cheated, lost and angry. Gratitude and love were now where to be found. So I decided that since I had no control of that situation, I would on something I did have control over...myself. I began to look for things that made me happy. And therefore, I finally got the "Beautiful Mess - Live on Earth" album.

On the way home from the store, I popped it in the car stereo and began to listen. "Sunshine Song" came on and it was like, that was exactly what I needed hear, at exactly the right time in my life. I cried through the whole thing! I actually had to listen to it a few more times before I could get through the whole thing without crying. From March until July that album was pretty much all I listened to. Except of course for the Mr. A-Z album I dug out. I found a new love for "Plane" and "Song for a Friend" It's amazing how music affects you at different times in your life.

I began to find joy in simple things, and be grateful again. I was learning that (from Jason's blog) life is what you make it up to be, even the crappy stuff. You choose how it affects you. You DO have control in how you live your life. If you're in a crappy situation, make it up that it doesn't suck and you'll start to see all the amazing things you were missing! I truely love that man for helping me to see how amazing life truely is!

Needless to say, I became addicted! I wanted to know all of the new songs, old songs, blogs. etc. So I joined Twitter! :-) I've found so many amazing friends there, and now here. Because of Twitter and the RKOP I discovered Jason was touring this past fall. So I planned to go to my first Mraz show in Columbus, OH!!

I was so stoked to finally see the man who had changed my life. I got GA tickets and Jump the Line passes. And, I was front row for my first ever Jason Mraz concert with my best friend, and sister! I was the most amazing night of my life! I can't wait to do it again. I was truely hoping to meet Jason and get my hat signed. No luck on meeting him but I did get my hat taken back to get signed. I am so lucky to have such an awesome momento of my first concert!

Thanks for reading all of my rambling ons... so grateful for Jason Mraz, my Twitter friends, and now MrazWomen!