I haven't posted to this blog since 2010...that was 4, soon to be 5 years ago! And so much has changed, it's still unbelievable for me to grasp it all. I'm not going to re-type how Jason touches/inspires me, you can read my old posts by searching "sedeechee" in the tags, or think of how Jason touches YOU, because it's the same for me, as with us all. So instead, I'll just write about me. Just me, plain and simple. Later on, I'll post about the magical and surreal experience of meeting Jason, but not tonight, there will be plenty of time for that later :)
So an update: My name is Christine and I'm 24 years old and will be turning 25 in less than 1 month on 12/7. And I'm scared and upset at this. I'm halfway to 30 and my life has simply gone nowhere and I'm extremely unhappy. (This is going to start sounding depressing, so buckle in!)
I can't remember the last time I felt bliss...oh wait a minute! Yes I can, it was back in July when I met Jason and some of you incredible girls and I was on cloud nine. However, after that weekend, it was back to reality. Back to my lonely life near Scranton, Pennsylvania where I'm still living at home with my parents. And I'm unhappy. I don't have many friends left in this area, they've all moved away to start/continue their careers. The friends that ARE left here, I don't see very often because they're working, like myself, and making time for your social life sucks as an adult. I also feel lonely because I don't have a guy. And I know, I know, you don't NEED a man to be happy or feel fulfilled, but damn, it would be nice to have/feel security and companionship! And it's not like I haven't tried. I'm on Tinder, I've tried other dating sites(for maybe a week before I got creeped out/disgusted and I deleted it), and I'm just not compatible with anyone. [Side note: last time I wrote in here I was dating my ex-boyfriend in college who was going overseas with the Army and that's 1000000% DONE. I don't even speak to him anymore. Shortly after our official breakup in late 2012, he began dating a girl he met in one of his classes and they're still together to this day. Honestly, I'm happy for him. I think she's making him happier than I ever could, they seem very compatible together in all their adventures I see on Facebook >:) ]
Deep down, I also DON'T want to meet anyone, because I NEED to leave home.
Don't get me wrong, I'm THRILLED that I have a decent-paying, semi-in-my-field-of-work job! BUT it's not what I want to do with my life. I'm working, literally, 7 minutes from home and although that's a great thing, it's almost TOO great. For almost a year and a half, I've let myself settle in this convenient state of my life where I'm going through the motions "just because" and I'm going no where. It's getting to the point where as soon as my ass hits the chair at my desk in the morning,....I'm ready for it to be 5:00pm and I'm checking out. The day hasn't even started yet. And I used to like this job! I thought that the work I was doing was making a difference and I felt passionate to be productive and accomplished. But now there's nothing left and I KNOW that I need to move on. But how can I? With money. I need a LOT more money.
The reason why I haven't moved out of my parents home, the reason why I don't have a boyfriend/relationship, is because I can't afford it...yet. I should have been more responsible and started saving earlier. But I didn't and here I still am. I really am starting to save more and I've estimated that I can move out of here comfortably around the Spring/Summer 2015, God willing I can find a job! Which leads me back to friends.
The friends, my "family" that I had in 2010 when I last wrote are all still the same...and living 4 hours from me. My college friends are living in/around Baltimore, Maryland and I go to visit them about once a season. I was just there in early September and every time I go, I feel "complete." I know it kind of sounds cheesy, but it's true. My heart is lighter. I laugh and I smile because they bring out the best in me and I'm HAPPY. I love the area, and it's affordable to live there if I continue to play my cards right. I could get into this further, but I'll stop here. For now, my main focus is to keep saving enough money to move away and start my career the way I want it to be and to be HAPPY.
The final reason for my unhappiness: my weight. I've struggled with my weight all my life. We all have, it's just what females do/think. I know it SHOULDN'T be this way, but when I can't fit into last season's blouses for work, and my bra band barely latches...I have a problem.
I think it all started with taking this new job at a desk. I used to work in a grocery store, constantly on my feet and walking/bustling around so that kept the weight off. Now I'm just a bum that sits all day. Earlier this Summer, I had started the Nutrisystem diet. And it was working! I was on it about 2 months and I was taking my dogs for walks and running on the treadmill. But then my sister became critically ill. She was in multiple hospitals since July and only FINALLY was discharged and returned home at the end of October. During her admissions, I fell off the wagon due to stress and the timing just wasn't right to keep on the diet and fit in exercise. Now that she's home and healthy, I jumped back on this diet wagon with full force. I'm tired of being unhappy, I'm exhausted from being discouraged from buying cute clothes at the mall that I know ahead of time won't fit me, I'm fed up with not feeling sexy anymore. I NEED change.
IN CONCLUSION! How this alllllll ties into each other and everything comes full circle!: Jason has taught me positivity. Because throughout everything, including this super long post about my unhappiness, I really AM happy. I'm GRATEFUL that I HAVE a job, that I am HEALTHY, and that I DO have friends and family who love me. Since following Jason and listening to his music all these years has transformed my attitude, demeanor, and outlook on my life and those around me. If I never found Jason, if I never found you guys, I don't know what kind of person I would be and that's terrifying to think about. Jason has made me a better person, even if it doesn't show all the time, his influence is always, and always will be, a part of me.
Warmest love and wishes,
Christine<3
P.S. If you read this whole thing, bless you.
Christine DiChiara
Marketing Coordinator for CareGivers America
Freelance Graphic Designer
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